You are Your Biggest Influence 

Dear Friends, 

You have the power of influence over yourself.

Have you considered this?

When I began to engage with this thought and this question, it changed my orientation on how I talk to and engage with myself.

It made me want to be the greatest source of safety and influence for me.

I began to ask:

Is how I'm talking to me helping me?

Are the beliefs and feelings I have about me supportive?

Is the action I'm about to take going to invite me toward greater health?

Am I keeping myself from experiences that could help me grow because of futility, all-or-nothing thinking, storied-beliefs of unworthiness, bitterness, stuckness or feeling embarassed by my need or shame?

This week I watched a video from renowned clinical psychologist and marriage guru, Julie Gottman of the Gottman institute.

She said this: The amount of contempt you’re exposed to determines the amount of disease you experience for the next 5 years. (Source.)

What?

My brain exploded.

Why did my brain explode?

This statement tracks with the ACE study on heart failure, immune system issues and childhood developmental trauma’s impact on life expectancy and disease.

Exposure to contempt and the actions taken from contempt hurt the brain and the body.

What else?

When I heard Julie say that, the first thing I imagined was exposure to contempt in the home.

I imagined someone else speaking contempt over someone else or taking contemptuous action.

But, as a coach I see so many of my adult clients in relationships where contempt is not being spouted, and yet their bodies bear the evidence of this contempt.

I paused and thought about this other famous quote:

You are influenced by the top five people you spend time with.

And…

YOU are one of those people you spend time with.

You are literally the person you spend the most time with.

You wake up with you.

You go to sleep with you.

You pick what to wear, eat, do and drink with you.

How much contempt are you hearing toward yourself between your own ears?

When I work with people in 1:1, in group or in LIVE trainings, we are working what’s in YOUR brain and body.

Your brain and body are formed by your story. 

We are working with the internal structures of self-contempt, self-criticism, self-stonewalling, self-defensiveness. 

(These are the Gottman's 4 horsemen of the apocolyse or the indicators of a relationship that is on rocky ground).

These 4 Indicators in relationship dynamics also exist inside of us and show up in how we relate to ourselves.

If your brain is speaking snarky, degrading and humiliating messages to you...

If your brain is serving you up criticism of your every move…

If your brain is telling you that your story and feelings are a waste of time and to get over it...

If you are made of defense and protectiveness...

If you know you need support but you’re ignoring it bc “it’s not that bad.”…

You are your biggest influence.

Cleaning up self-contempt, self-criticism, unhelpful self-judgement (not the same as discernment) and self-abuse - is part of the Self-Coaching Essentials in the Storied Living Membership. 

In the same way exposure to contempt impacts your wellbeing...

Exposure to warmth, to nourishing experiences, to kindness, to flow-energy, to sturdy "for you" love, to delight... heals and mends your brain and body.

You are worthy of being one of the most powerful influences in your life... for your own good.

xo
Lora